Written by Dave Leonard
As soon as we read of the creation of man, it is stated that something in God’s creation is “not good.” “And the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him’” (Genesis 2:18). Man’s problem of being alone was solved – he had a companion, a mate, a helper created for him. The parameters of marriage were set: one man and one woman.
God intended for marriage to be a lifelong relationship. In Matthew 19:1-6, Jesus was asked about divorce for any reason. The Pharisees were attempting to test Jesus by asking their question from a standpoint of legality: “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” Jesus did not respond by consulting cultural practices or government standards.
He took them to God’s institution of marriage, and said, “. . . Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?’ So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” When they try to use Moses’ words against Jesus, He reminds them that God’s law of marriage goes back to the creation in these words: “…but from the beginning it was not so.” When Jesus addressed the subject of marriage, He recognized only one authority on the subject – God!
Divorce is not an issue of small consequence. When mankind strays from the plan of God, the results are damaging on many levels. In Malachi 2:16, we read some sobering words to Israel: “For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce . . .” The Lord hates divorce because He loves humanity and divorce is devastating to us.
Divorce is often justified with the thought, “The Lord would want me to be happy.” I have heard members of the church dismiss the seriousness of divorce by saying that they can “try” marriage and “if it doesn’t work out, we can just get a divorce and remain single.” It should be sickening and alarming that those who claim to be God’s own people are so flippant with transgressing His law!
We all have seen the impact a failed marriage has and the far-reaching effects endured by many. It is not only the couple who are affected, but also their children, in-laws, friends, brethren, neighbors, and communities. Let’s think through some of the problems that divorce causes.
People expect divorce to have an emotional impact on everyone in the family. Fewer, however, understand the physical effects of divorce on adults. There are a great number of studies that discuss the
health benefits of being married and the adverse effects to one’s health after going through a divorce. Generally, people who remain married are found to be happier, even if their marriage has problems, than those who end the marriage. Life expectancies for divorced men and women are significantly lower than for married people. Regarding cancer, married people are more likely to recover than those who are divorced.
Men and women who go through divorce also suffer a decline in mental and emotional health. Some of the mental health difficulties that arise include depression, anxiety, hostility, self-loathing, problems with positive relationships, and suicide. The mental and emotional problems that are prevalent with divorce are not only because of sad feelings due to the marriage ending; the one who was there to help in hardships, to suffer in loss, and to share in joy is no longer there. The feelings of shame, guilt, anger, and fear can plague those who go through a divorce. Because of the internal turmoil caused by divorce, those who suffer through it are much more likely to be engaged in substance abuse.
The fallout from divorce affects many other people than the couple going through it. But no one is going to suffer in more ways or to a greater degree than the children of the broken home. Children whose parents are divorced are more likely to drop out of school; there is a greater difficulty in obtaining and maintaining steady employment; they are more likely to have children outside of marriage; there is a higher percentage of health problems; they are three times more likely to have emotional or behavioural problems than if their biological parents remain married. Children need to have the example of a godly home lived in front of them with Mom and Dad. Divorce robs them of that great blessing.
As troubling as the aforementioned problems are, the greatest concerns in dealing with divorce are spiritual. When facing any such life-altering crisis, faith may be tested: “Why is God allowing this to happen?” Fellowship will be endangered if I am guilty of sin and refuse to repent. Granting forgiveness becomes a greater obstacle when my spouse has sinned against me and has caused such pain. Further temptations may come if one does not have the God-given authority to remarry. The list goes on and on.
We should never look at divorce as a simple matter, because it reaches so deeply into so many lives! Let us take God at His word and strive faithfully to have and protect our marriages – for everyone’s sake!