Written by Eunice Tan
Forgiveness is one of the most challenging commands Christians are called to obey. We all struggle with forgiveness, since it goes against our natural instincts to defend ourselves and fight for justice. But does the Bible teach us to forgive unconditionally, when a brother or sister has not repented?
The Struggle to Forgive
Even Jesus’ disciples wrestled with forgiveness. In Matthew 18:21-22, Peter asked Jesus, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus replied, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.” This response shows the boundless nature of forgiveness that Jesus expects from His followers.
The Nature of God’s Forgiveness
To understand Christian forgiveness, we must first reflect on how God forgives. Hebrews 8:12 states: “For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” This verse beautifully captures the essence of divine forgiveness, it is complete and restorative; making a person blameless.
However, God’s forgiveness is not extended unconditionally. In fact, the Bible consistently teaches that forgiveness requires repentance.
1 John 1:9 – “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
Acts 3:19 – “Repent therefore, and turn back, that your sins may be blotted out.”
Both verses make it clear: God’s forgiveness is conditional upon repentance and submission. It is not automatic, but offered to those who confess and turn from sin. So are we, by extending unconditional forgiveness, selling short the standard God has set?
Forgiveness vs A Forgiving Spirit
The key distinction lies between the act of granting forgiveness and having a forgiving heart and spirit. As Christians, we are called to be ready to forgive at all times, even before a brother or sister has repented.
Luke 17:3-4 – “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him.” Here, forgiveness appears to be conditional upon repentance.”
Matthew 18:15 – “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.”
In both verses, forgiveness and reconciliation are tied to repentance. We are commanded to confront sin, not ignore it and to forgive when the person repents.
Did Jesus teach Unconditional Forgiveness?
Some argue that Jesus granted unconditional forgiveness where He prayed on the cross, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). But this was not the actual granting of forgiveness; it was an expression of His readiness to forgive, a prayer of Christ who is dying to wash away our sin.
The fulfilment came later in Acts 2, when Peter told the same crowd, “You crucified the Son of God” and called them to “repent and be baptized” (Acts 2:38). If they had already been forgiven, there would have been nothing to repent for.
Passages such as Mark 11:25 and Matthew 6:12 also seem to teach unconditional forgiveness:
Mark 11:25 wherein He says, “And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”
Matthew 6:12, wherein Jesus teaches us to pray, “And forgive us our debts, As we forgive our debtors?”
Although these verses do not explicitly state that forgiveness requires repentance, that does not mean repentance is unnecessary. Just as John 3:16 teaches that “…whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life”, we also know from other passages that salvation involves repentance (Acts 2:38), confession (1 John 1:9) and baptism (Mark 16:16).
In the same way, Mark 11:25 and Matthew 6:12 highlight the need to keep a heart free from bitterness and to have a forgiving spirit, especially when we pray. However, they do not negate the broader biblical teaching that full reconciliation and forgiveness are tied to repentance (Luke 17:3–4). These verses are akin to pieces of a puzzle that, when assembled, reveal the complete picture of biblical forgiveness; one that includes both a readiness to forgive and the requirement of repentance for true reconciliation.
Does this mean that we can hold on to grudges?
Absolutely not. The Bible strongly warns against harbouring bitterness or resentment in Ephesians 4:31–32:-
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
Similarly, Heb 12:15 cautions us to be watchful, to avoid bitterness taking root, causing trouble leading to defilement. Even if a brother or sister has not repented, we must not hold grudges, bitterness and resentment against them. This is not the same as restoring the relationship or pretending no wrong was done, but it is refusing to let the offense define us or control our spirit.
Choosing not to let an offense consume us reflects the love of Christ. As Jesus commanded in John 13:34, “Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” This love is an active commitment to treat others with kindness, humility, and mercy, even when they have wronged us.
Conclusion:
So, should we forgive a brother or sister who has not repented?
- We must always have a heart free of vengeance, resentment, pride or bitterness, even when the offender has not repented. This virtue of the heart is founded in the spirit of love. This internal forgiveness reflects Christ’s example and protects our spiritual health.
- Reconciliation forgiveness is conditional upon repentance, as modelled by God Himself.
- We are not called to enable sin, but to lovingly rebuke and be ready to restore (Luke 17:3; Galatians 6:1).
Jesus modelled a forgiving spirit, a heart ready and willing to forgive is the standard we are called to emulate. It is not a blanket pardon for reconciliation or restoration of the relationship if the offending party has not repented