Written by Eunice Tan
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you said or did something you later regretted? Or maybe you replayed a conversation over and over in your mind, wishing you could go back in time and respond differently?
There is a silent danger many of us carry in our hearts: holding on to grudges. It is easy to dismiss, but over time, it becomes a poison that damages our peace, strains our relationships, and most importantly, jeopardises our relationship with God.
The Apostle Paul writes:
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:31–32)”
This verse reminds us that harbouring bitterness and anger is not just emotionally unhealthy, it is spiritually dangerous. We often justify our resentment by pining the blame on others: “They started it,” “They hurt me,” “They crossed the line.” But the truth is, a grudge begins within us. Viktor E Frankl, a survivor of the holocaust once quoted this,
“Between stimulus and response there is space.
In that space is our power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
You might think, “I’m not acting on my anger, so it’s not hurting anyone.” But imagine holding a cup of water above your head. At first, it’s light. But if you hold it for hours or days, your arm would grow numb, your muscles would ache, and eventually, you will drop that cup of water.
Holding grudges work the same way.
- It starts as a thought.
- Then, it becomes a habit.
- Finally, it shapes your character, making you cynical and irritable.
We are also reminded by the Scriptures in 1 John 4:20 that we cannot say that we love God and hate our brother:
“20 If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? 21 And this commandment we have from Him: that he who loves God must love his brother also.”
Some practical questions that have helped me to be more emotionally aware include:
- Did I have an expectation of how this person should have responded?
- Am I just in a bad mood today?
- Did something they said hit a deeper nerve?
- Would I have been offended if someone else said the same thing?
- Is this more about my ego and personal bias?
- What might this moment be teaching me about patience or humility?
We are commanded by God to love one another and to be free of bitterness and grudges that draw us away from God. Letting go of a grudge is easier said than done, and it’s something that I am still learning in my Christian journey. We are reminded in Ephesians 4:26, “Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your wrath,”
Some simple and practical steps that may help include:
- Taking the first step to reconcile, even if it feels uncomfortable;
- Showing small acts of kindness the next time I meet that person;
- Praying for those who have offended me.
I take comfort knowing that God is with me and that He has placed brethren around me who encourage me to persevere in this Christian race. As Romans 12:18 gently reminds us: “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” Let us strive to pursue peace and forgiveness as we live our lives as God’s chosen people on this earth.
If you would like to read more about forgiveness, you can find it here