Written by Jolene Chong
Years ago, when I first began my professional role as a university educator, I assumed my primary contact with students would be to teach them the syllabus. I have learnt over time, more often than not, it is instead spent on a myriad of other situations, from consoling them in difficult times, to supporting conflict management.
Recently, 3 young ladies all stayed back after class to speak to me. They were working in the same team for their group project, and through a series of personality clashes and texting miscommunication, they had become upset with each other. The group leader wanted to quit, the supporting leader did not understand why the leader was unresponsive, and one of the members felt disrespected.
I privately heard their individual accounts of the situation, then sat them down together to moderate the discussion. I explained that I was not there to ensure they became best friends, or to force them to alter their personalities. Instead, my objective was to redirect them to what matters most for their collective success. I shared where they did well and fell short as team members, where things became misinterpreted, and concluded with future behaviours and actions I expected as their group project evaluator.
As I gave them space to listen and share, they each started to recall the original goal of their project when they started. They revealed their realisations about misunderstanding each other’s point of view, and how they made assumptions/acted out of emotion. They all apologised tearfully, having vowed to do better.
What stayed with me most from this incident was what one of the ladies said in a thoughtful voice as we wrapped their meeting up “I suppose what we really needed was a moderator/mentor to guide us objectively through this, when we couldn’t figure it out ourselves”. The following week, in a large cohort of 70 students, they ended up presenting the best project in the class.
As the year ends, I could not help but draw a parallel to how countless times I was like these students: exhausted, stuck, uncertain how to go forward, and probably emotional with a situation involving a few “unreasonable” people. I also thought back to how so many times, a wiser and more objective party like a mentor, therapist or leader, was the key to breaking out of that mental bubble we tend to place ourselves in, in order to make it back on the path to our goal.
Most of all, I realised how crucial it was to recognise that we as Christians already have the best Moderator to guide us through uncertain (and even certain!) times. If we want the best solutions, we need to consistently and faithfully allow God and His Word to be our “lamp unto our feet” and “light unto our path” (Psalm 119:105)
If we truly long for a meaningful, joyous life during our limited tenure on Earth, we have to put our pride aside, and include Him in our decisions, more than we would even include a trusted parent or mentor. Beyond just hoping for “a miracle”, we must communicate to Him through prayer, truly accept His wisdom to play a part in all we do, and believe He will hear us, even if what we ask for culminates in a “no” or “later”.
1 John 5:14-15 states a key criteria to successful guidance: that we follow His will first, not our own “14 This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. 15 And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.” He has described clearly what is expected of us as Christians, and how to ensure we reach Heaven as our ultimate goal, not reach a relationship or promotion, much as it can bring us joy for a short time.
Psalms 32:8 states “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.” How comforting this verse is, to know He is our loving Counsellor!
The irony is, most Christians are likely very aware we benefit from God’s wisdom, and that we can rely on His care. Yet, when it comes to life’s most important decisions to make, or our greatest challenges to navigate, it astounds me how easy it can be to forget to include Him in the picture. We may instead try to base the way forward on logic and resources alone, versus praying and connecting openly with Him, while practicing adaptability with contentment in the outcome.
The idea of a new year is often met with relief or hope for a fresh start by setting new goals. Yet, we do not need to wait until the year begins, for us to ask our Lord to guide our paths. We have been transformed by the renewing of our minds through Christ (Romans 12:2) and can always meditate on His word, day and night (Psalms 1:1) as His children.
As we close another chapter and look to the coming of a brand new cycle around the sun, I invite us to reflect on the below:
1. Have we prayed to God, to ask what He expects of us in order to go forward?
2. Do we have enough self-awareness and humility to ask Him to guide us to make the right goals or choices? Or is our first instinct to figure things out solo?
3. As we decide on the most important priorities for the upcoming year, have we ensured they lead us to heaven – our ultimate objective?
May this article humbly serve as a reminder of how incredible it is to progress through life, with the love and wisdom of God, a Moderator and Guide invested in securing our growth. As King Solomon shared in Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
Happy New Year!